he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist