yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?