Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???