i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
