You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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