my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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