dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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