I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
