I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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