i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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