It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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