you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
