Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
