she kept yelling 'call me bella'
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize