Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize