tell your sister to shave her snatch
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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