I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
im about as happy as oj after his trial
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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