I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
