Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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