I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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