thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm like, not good at living.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
