My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
