we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
