It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
