david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
