Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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