I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
