I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
