I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
