I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
