Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
