No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
