On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
