im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
