4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I can't put those talents on a resume
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize