well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
sarcasm needs its own font
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
