hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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