i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
