i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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