HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
