better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
