Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
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dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
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the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
this hospital has no fireball
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.