he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
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Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
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come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.