She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
