sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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