I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
