i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
