I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
What a dumb baby whore.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
