then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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