I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
