i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
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But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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