I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
