Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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