I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
