He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
