my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
