No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
