Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
