she told me i tasted like america
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
