What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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