I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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