Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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