see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
