Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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