There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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