Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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