my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
