hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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