Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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