More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
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I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
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I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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